One of those sundays

It's Sunday morning and I don't know what I've been doing for the last couple of weeks.
I mean I know I've been working and feigning doing my devotions for a while. I think as a result I've been really awful, doing only the bare minimum I'm required to do, and actually connecting with God on even less. My prayers have become just daily, so Lord look after this person, or Jesus help me with this or that. I don't really believe he's going to answer, and part of me doesn't want him to because if he does, I have to respond.

I don't want to respond. I honestly wish right now that I could go back to the day I decided to follow him and take it back. But I know what would have happened if I did that. He would have continued to pursue me, inspite of myself. He is an amazing father. Even now in the depths of my doubt and sin, I see his hand opening doors, and closing them. Giving me ways out of temptation and showing me my own short comings.

If I didn't give my life to him I know he would still be pursuing me. He would still be loving me. He would still be longing for me the way only he can. Because he is the only person who sees me as I am. As I really am not the facade I put up for other people or myself. cause I do a lot of things just so I can like myself or look at myself in the mirror. But he still pursues me. He still loves me.

I remember there was an afternoon back when we lived in wattala, and i'd gotten a spanking from my dad, I couldn't have been more than 12, and when I went into my room, something made me open up my bible, and I don't remember what it was but I remember being filled with so much joy i started laughing.

I remember going for thy kingdom come when I was 14, and listening to testimonies and watching skits at the Wesley college hall, and feeling like there is more to this life than this. And I remember the song Deeply in love with you really pulling something on my heart. But I was more interested in an girl and missed out on what was clearly a call from God and was too jaded to go up and give my life to Christ.

At the heart of it I know, He would still be pursuing me in-spite of my sin in-spite of myself. I'm reminded that our God, loves us with an everlasting love Jeremiah 31:3 and he's talking about the adulterous idol worshiping sinful israel, broken and driven into the wilderness. I by no means am in such an awful situation. But I can't help but remember that his love is everlasting and he will pursue me.

It all just seems like it was such a long time ago, and though I see him pursuing me daily, it seems like it's been so long since he really showed himself real to me. I guess that's why forgiveness and living seem like just words to me. Wrote a Poem about it in the morning.

I guess at the heart of it I want to see him change me the way he did at first, but he wants more of me than I feel I can give, or can look past my feelings and give. I lack the faith to look beyond my feelings and obey. Obedience is so hard for me. I can be looking at a way of escape, providence, or miraculous intervention right in the face and ignore it completely to do what I feel like doing rather than what he is asking me to do.

Even my devotions today resound this sentiment.  "We should battle through our moods, feelings, and emotions into absolute devotion to the Lord Jesus. We must break out of our own little world of experience into abandoned devotion to Him." - Utmost.org

But I just can't break out of this slump, no amount of worship or bible study or reading books or ineffectual prayers is getting me any closer. But I know what he is asking of me.

Those who love me will obey me. Obedience is difficult. But I'm going to have to learn it.

Sinner or Saint?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8Sz07y0cXs&list=PLE1E2C513C9AD06A0&index=23

for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.

Anyone who says they are without sin claims God is a liar.

Surely I was sinful from birth, steeped in sin when my mother conceived me.

http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Being-Born-In-Sin

Be perfect as your heavenly father is perfect.

For we are God's handiwork created in Christ Jesus to do good works which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Whoever believes in these will do them, and greater things also.

http://www.openbible.info/topics/who_am_i_in_christ

It is the classic debate.

Grace or Glory?

Sinners saved, or saints saving others.

What are we.

I can count thousands of times when I have shouted back when he has told me to pick up my cross and follow him.

IT IS NOT POSSIBLE! WHAT YOU ASK OF ME IS IMPOSSIBLE!

So where do you stand?

Is it possible? For Me to be Jesus?

Are we sinners saved by the skin of our teeth? Or are we saved and gloriously doing abundantly more than what Jesus did?

I know I'm not. I'm a broken filthy sinner. If Paul was the chief, I am the president.

But there's the truth isn't it. 

We are sinners. But we are willing. Willing to spend time with our savior, And give him time to use us.

The bible tells us to put on the breastplate of righteousness.

Not our righteousness. But His. Jesus tells us to pick up our cross. Not his.

His cross was our salvation.

Our cross is this. To no longer live, but let Christ live through us. 

Because the Son of God loves us and gave his life for us. - Gal 2:20

So this is where the rubber hits the road.

You can put the armor on, and stay at home and weep about your sin all your life.

Or you can put it on and fight like a man/woman on fire. Knowing you can do it, because he has won the war for you.

Think about it.

Do you believe you can be holy and righteous?

Do you think Christ living in you can be holy and righteous?

Is the issue service to Christ or surrender to Christ?

Challenge

Find a verse that you didn't already know that reminds you trust God and surrender and memorize it.

Lugs

How can you share this idea of trusting God for righteousness and focusing on the battle to your luggers?

Prayer for camp

Pray for food / rooms / games and weather on camp, that God would strike a comfortable balance in all things for the campers to be able to focus.

Pray for us staff that we would have time and strength to love our luggers on camp.

Pray for a righteous love to overflow between the campers and bind them together.

Turning Truth Into Righteousness.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rUtyfB6gVU

Ok So we’re opening with this question.

Is this a biblical contradiction?

http://biblehub.com/ephesians/2-8.htm

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-

http://biblehub.com/james/2-26.htm

As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead

So I think one of these 3 statements will be true to you.

1. The verses contradict each other. I prefer Paul to James so I will live by grace.

2. I believe I can earn my own salvation, and that nothing you know means anything unless you do something about it.

3. We are saved by faith so we cannot boast, and our faith is saved and made strong by our deeds.

If you picked the third one, then you need to ask yourself how do you turn your faith into actions.

(If you picked the first two you are wrong, talk to your lug leader.)

First look at this verse.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+15%3A15-26&version=NIV

John 15:15-26

 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

While Jesus was with the disciples he told them what to do. They were like servants. But now Jesus calls them friends. What is a friend? Someone who is an equal, and knows the fathers business. Knows they are working for the kingdom, and also knows what they are doing for it right now.

Are you still a servant who needs to be told what to do, or are you His friend?

Figuring out how only you can love Him?

Are you willing to be a fool for Him?

Are you willing to give up your will for his?

Before Miriam and I were dating, this song meant a lot to us. Because we didn’t want to submit to discipline and let go of each other even if it was for a season. The song helped us understand that, and shared our pain in trusting God. But it also shared God’s point of view.

Nilan, Miriam, I know that this will hurt.
But if I don’t break your hearts things will just get worse.
When the trouble seems too much to bear.
Remember.
The ends will justify the pain it took to get us there.

Think about it.

What is your cross right now? A truth God has shown you, Something God has asked you to do?

Have you picked it up or is it still just lying there?

What can you do today to stop being a servant and start being a friend of God who knows God’s business and does it?

Challenge.

Make a decision boldly before God, ask him to show you the work you could do as a friend.

Do something, one thing spontaneously that you know God will love!

Lugs.

Figure out a way to share this with your luggers.

Prayer for camp

Pray for Nilan and Miriam as they prepare the bible study workshop. Turning truth into righteousness.

Pray for Nilan as he freaks out about his session on Truth and righteousness.

Pray for luggers to begin to be moved by the spirit to want to come on camp.

Pray for the worship team as it practices, may God bless them, before and on camp.

Extra Reading

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/practical-faith/grace-doesn%E2%80%99t-mean-you-get-do-whatever-you-want

Spiritual Warfare

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGMKRs-CHWk

Matthew 4:1-11The first thing we need to ask ourselves is this simple question.

Is Spiritual warfare a real thing? Or is it something we imagine?

Is it stress going in to camp? Or is Satan wearing us thin?
Is it temptation? Or just being worn thin?

When Jesus was tired in the wilderness, the bible says he was hungry. (Matthew 4:1-4)

And Satan came in and made one simple suggestion.

If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.

I often imagine Satan coming and standing before him and making this statement.
But what if it was more real. What if like it was for Jesus like it is to so many of us.

It was just a voice in Jesus’ Mind. 
I’m the son of God! Why don’t I just turn these stones into bread?

Jesus knew there was a physical and a spiritual realm. Which is why he responded.

Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.

Jesus knew there was a spiritual realm.

He came to save this world by helping us see it, and learn to fight it. Maybe that’s why he left his disciples and us with this verse. (John 16:7-12)

Here’s some things to think about.

How can we be more in tune to the warfare going on all around us.

How can we convey to our luggers/disciples what God is doing in the unseen realm of the spirit?

Challenge for the day.

Ask the Holy Spirit for an opportunity however small during devotions to confront a stronghold of Satan and tear away at it today.

We often play defense. Play offense.

Additional Reading.

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/deeper-walk/features/27282-spiritual-warfare-is-real

Prayer for camp.

Pray for Niru as he preps the intro for camp.

Pray for pastor Naresh as he prepares for the session on spiritual warfare.

Pray for the letters to get to luggers ASAP and for parents to give permission.
For God to bring the right people on camp.

Feel free to reply with your experiences and testimonies. :)

And any suggestions.

Joshua Chapter 1-8 (Response)

This has been an intersting first step for me.

How to win the war after you lose the battle, there have been many lost battles in the last week. Personal ones where I failed. Faith ones where I did not do the good I knew I should do. But at the end of it all, I really feel like God has brought me to a better place. It's been interesting recording how he speaks to me and prepares me through my time with him. Or maybe how he invests his time in me and makes my day match or a training ground to apply what he has taught me.

Will start on my next book devotional soon, and maybe return to Joshua in a while.

Joshua Chapter 8

After the Achan/Ai fiasco it's easy to see why God's next communique with Joshua was do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, take the whole army with you and attach Ai. You will do to Ai what you did to Jericho, and the people may take the plunder. And God tells them to set an ambush behind the city.

So Josh sent 30,000 of his best to camp behind he city, the plan was that while he created a diversion and pulled the attacking force of Ai away from their city, the ambush party would take the city.

When the ambush party left. Joshua stayed with the people.

God gave Joshua a sign, to hold the javelin in his hand towards Ai, because God had given the city into his hand. This was the sign for the ambushers, who I am assuming had amazing eye sight to attacked the city.

Put it to flame. and caught the army of Ai between the ambush force and Joshua's force.

They destroyed Ai. Took the plunder and impaled the king of Ai before burying him.

After the victory Joshua built an altar, the way Moses said to, with it they offered God burnt offerings and fellowship offerings. And Joshua blessed the people. And Joshua read the law, all of it, from start to finish.

Joshua chose his best to invade Ai, when you're delegating someone to lead an autonomous group, put all your best into it.

Joshua stayed with the people until early morning. He knew this was when the people needed him most.

After the heavy day, Joshua brought the people before God blessed them and gave them God's word.
No matter how the day plays out. At the end, return to God's word.

Joshua Chapter 7 (Response)

I'm still grappling with the idea of Achan, of collective responsibility. of sin having consequences on family and life in general. I know sin has consequence, But the idea that sin can destroy, or that God would allow sin to destroy not just the life of the sinner, but everything in his life, still bugs me.

I guess in a perfect world, sin would not effect anyone else, but often sin is against someone else. Namely God and his creation. I know that when I sin it is not in my own little bubble. But that that sin will often effects the people who are the closest to me.

In the context of the cross, God doesn't punish the son for the father's sin, but in the context of the world, sin is hereditary. Sons end up like their fathers, daughters end up like their mothers. And the truth of this is all too real for many.

As for the question of if I can trust a God who would allow the world to get this messed up. I also have to remember that he is the same God who gave man a solution for sin. By paying the penalty for every kind of sin himself.

His life.
For ours.

Just yesterday I was reminded very vividly how God brings people who have experienced and struggle with the same troubles I struggle with on a daily basis to me, because I know what it's like. I am also reminded that I do not overcome by my own strength but by his. How can I not love a God with such a ridiculous love for us.

Yes sin has consequences, and yes I'm still a sinner. But I am sanctified by the blood of the lamb. And he is my all in all. And that will not change. Because he does not change.