So here's the thing about war.
No one really wins. Someone just loses less.
This weekend was really bitter sweet. It had epic moments and awful ones. Moments where god used me, and moments where my heart lost focus, and I upset and hurt people. I was so sad and annoyed with myself the night after. I had hurt and mis-communicated so many things.
So much of it was good, but so much more was bad. People I love got hurt and I just walked away, cause I didn't know how to confront it. So much for strong and courageous. I wanted to make a difference but I was lazy when I needed to be strong and scared when I needed to be courageous.
The next day I was annoyed with it and that screwed everything up even more. My anger went out in so many different ways at people who had nothing to do with it. It just spiraled out of control. Before I knew it, it was done. And there was nothing I could do to fix it.
So here I find myself, scared and angry. Insecure and overloaded with work, without the strength or impetus to accomplish it. Far from victory, and feeling very defeated.
But I remember this.
In my weakness, his grace abounds. So I repented and I'm going to try and move forward in this, Accepting that he reminded me, war was coming. And I didn't gear for war. Well it's the beginning of another 7 day war. So I'm praying for grace and diving right in, and hope I lose less than I did last week. So I'm more like him at the end of it all.
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